BY JANE MEYERS-BOWEN
My husband’s health took a serious turn, an ownership change materialized where I worked, and then COVID struck. All were unexpected. Although I was full of energy and not even thinking about retiring at the time, I knew I needed to confront my new reality and rethink what was next.
The first thing I did was give notice to my employer, having observed people who didn’t let go of things when going in the wrong direction. Deciding to retire opened more time to care for my husband, Clark, and reduced my stress.
I have helped more than 3,000 families transition from home to a retirement or assisted living community during my 15 years working in the industry. So, I took the next five months to share my knowledge and experience by writing and publishing my book, What Are We Going to Do About Mom & Dad—A Navigational Guide to Senior Living and Care.
Then when COVID hit, I picked up my brushes and rediscovered the joy of painting. Once, as an animal shelter volunteer, I decided to try my hand at painting pictures of the shelter animals to facilitate adoptions. Although I had never even taken a painting class and they were no Van Goghs, my paintings were a hit! Now homebound, I had time and space to experiment and develop skills. Some 200 paintings later, my family was probably saying, “How are we going to get her to stop!” Friends would say, “I’ve known you for 40 years and didn’t know you could paint.” I replied, “I didn’t either!”
One never knows what’s next. Unfortunately, Clark’s condition worsened. Two days after his joyful 80th surprise birthday party, he had minor surgery to get the battery changed on his defibrillator. All went fine but the surgeon suggested he consult his cardiologist, as he had a sizeable amount of fluid around his heart. One thing led to another, necessitating back-to-back hospital stays over the next five weeks. My husband finally said, “I want to go home!” So, we brought him home on hospice. Surrounded by his family and friends, Clark couldn’t stop smiling for the next six days. And it was the first time in 40 years the doctors said he could eat or drink anything he wanted! We honored his food fantasies even though he only had a bite of this or that. His last meal was a bite of BBQ ribs.
When you are blessed with great love in your life, the price is great grief. Knowing we all must go through it, somehow comforted me. My art gave me some solace during the first six months of grieving, which were brutal. During that time, I sold our home and moved into a condo. The next year and a half were filled with life anew. Friends stepped up and my family did what they could. I pushed forward, traveling some, dating some, and have since returned to work. I found I had way too much energy to retire. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually working again has served me.
I have had to rediscover who I am as a woman and not just as a caregiver. It was an honor to be there for my husband in that way. And after having been married for 43 years, I felt like a freshman in high school when I started dating. I’m not ready for a big relationship right now, but learned that it is probably something I will want in the long run.
I’d stopped painting for about a year. Back to painting again I am now so grateful to have art as my friend for life. I mostly do commission work but have also pushed out into the world with art shows, a pop-up store for a week, and a fancy website. This pursuit has given me new confidence and a fresh start in my Third Act. And a way to cope with the loss of my husband over the last two years.
As I share my story about art, people say to me, “I can’t paint!” and I respond, “Are you sure?”
Jane Meyers-Bowen completed her BS in nursing at Montana State University and her master’s degree in Psychosocial Nursing at the University of Washington. Her career has had many acts—clinical nursing instructor, founder of a career guidance company, corporate trainer, and 15 years in the senior living and care industry. See more of her art at spiritedexpression.com