In your ongoing journey engaging with life, you can take greater control of the ways you travel and the destination you seek.
BY JEANETTE LEARDI
From the moment you were born, you set out on a path of living, hopefully into a long, vibrant old age. If you’re lucky, you’ve been able to sustain a pattern of healthy development throughout your later years. However, how smoothly you travel today can be determined by certain challenges you may not have encountered in youth and midlife—precisely because you’re an older adult.
In some important ways, our later years can be a time in which it may be harder to participate in activities and stay engaged with others. The reasons for this change can be physical, social, or even psychological, any of which can stop us from meeting new people or doing worthwhile things.
Roadblocks and Obstacles
Take, for example, the way our bodies change as we age.
“The physical wear-and-tear our bodies experience over time can take a toll on our ability to remain as active as we once were,” says Barbara Raynor, founder and voice of AgingisLiving, an online informational and inspirational resource created to help people feel better about aging in order to age better and live longer.
“Overcoming those challenges in order to remain active and engaged requires a certain amount of strength, resilience, and determination,” Raynor continues. “Without the impetus or physical ability to ‘get up and go,’ it is easy to understand how older adults can believe that life is passing them by—and wrongly beat themselves up about it.”
How we deal with our physical abilities is one thing, but how our ageist society views us can be equally challenging.
Marc Freedman, founder and co-CEO of CoGenerate (formerly Encore.org), and author of How to Live Forever: The Enduring Power of Connecting the Generations, wrestles with this issue in his work, namely, regarding how age bias affects relationships (or lack of them) between generations.
He describes society’s ongoing, longstanding barrage of stereotypes describing older adults “as they move into their 60s or even earlier, with twin messages that they are past their prime and should move to the sidelines. At the same time, the idea of leisure and disengagement—the golden years notion—has been sold relentlessly. The end result is both a push and a pull leading older people out of the mainstream.”
Raynor would agree that cultural ageism is baked into certain roadblocks and obstacles in the very infrastructure of our society. “So many other factors can prevent an older person from fully engaging with their community: lack of transportation, caregiving responsibilities, lack of available programming, lack of access to digital resources, lack of knowledge about the various ways to engage, social isolation, feeling unwelcome—the list goes on and on.”
Moreover, the ageism that causes these kinds of roadblocks and obstacles can affect us psychologically. When we allow ourselves to believe in the ever-present advertisements and jokes about old people being clueless, cranky, incompetent, irrelevant, and stuck in our ways, we accept that script and internalize that ageism. These reactions can cause us to halt our journeys by disengaging and isolating from others.
There’s no reason for us to limit ourselves to motoring on side roads in the third act of our lives, let alone giving up the car keys altogether. No matter our individual situation, there are ways we can remain in the driver’s seat, enjoying new adventures.
Step 1: Get in the Car
Raynor asserts that the first step is to recognize your need and desire to make a change. “As is the case with developing any new habit,” she says, older adults “first need to make the decision to do it—and then follow through with that decision.”
“Make a trial commitment to start,” suggests Freedman, “long enough to get a flavor of the activity but without making any long-term pledges. It usually takes two or three different experiments to find a good fit.”
It can be helpful to remember what research has shown—that regularly engaging socially is as healthy for your body and spirit as eating the right foods and exercising daily. Whatever activities you embrace should be as important to you as staying physically fit.
Step 2: Choose a Route
Once you understand that you’re in control of the trip you’re making, you can set off in any direction you wish.
“Start slow but start,” says Raynor.
Be curious and open to exploration and change. Begin with who you are and who you want to be.
“There are a couple of ways to accomplish this,” Raynor explains. “The first is to identify what those needs and desires may be via a little bit of healthy self-reflection and then look for opportunities that address them.
“For instance, if you’re a person who thrives on being outdoors, seek out ways to engage in outdoor activities. If you’re a lifelong learner, look for classes offered by local adult-learning programs, community centers, or even institutions of higher learning,” Raynor continues. “If you’re looking for a way to fill yourself up spiritually, find a house of worship that reflects your values, try a yoga or meditation class, or find a like-minded group of people who are searching just as you are.
“The second way—especially if you’re unsure as to what you’re really looking for—is to try something new. Volunteering is a great way to not only make a difference in your own life, as well as the lives of others, but it’s also an excellent way to meet like-minded people, learn new skills, achieve a sense of purpose, and even fulfill a lifelong dream.”
Some volunteer activities to consider are serving on a community council or committee, assisting at an animal shelter or food bank, delivering meals, reading children’s books at a library’s story time, or being an elementary school lunch buddy.
These last two suggestions offer ways to connect with much younger folks. Freedman has tips for engaging with other people of different ages. “Overall I believe in the importance of the three Ps: proximity, purpose, and practice. First, put yourself in settings where there are opportunities to interact with other age groups; second, look for opportunities that further bring you together with other generations around shared interest; and finally, and best of all, seek out ways to collaborate on those shared interests.”
Keep in mind that choosing a route doesn’t stop you from changing directions or adding on more ways to travel.
Step 3: Reach Your Destination
As you settle into a new activity, appreciate how far you’ve come, alone or with others. Freedman suggests checking in from time to time: “Keep a monthly diary of lessons learned, both positive and less uplifting examples. And try to arrange periodic get-togethers with others engaged in these activities to compare notes and mark progress.”
Furthermore, know that what you’ve done can impact more than your own life. According to Freedman, “We all need to be role models for thriving in a multigenerational world—in how we live, work, learn, care, and play.”
“The knowledge, experience, and wisdom older adults bring to society is something that should be cherished, rather than dismissed or taken for granted,” says Raynor. “It is time that society recognizes our older adult population as the gift and important resource that it is—and treat it accordingly.”
Know that as you engage with society, you enable society to better engage with—and benefit from—you.
Surely that’s a road we should all be traveling along together.
Jeanette Leardi is a Portland-based social gerontologist, writer, editor, and community educator who has a passion for older adult empowerment. She gives popular presentations and workshops in journaling, memoir writing, ethical will creation, brain fitness, creativity, ageism, intergenerational communication, and caregiver support to people of all ages. Learn more about her work at jeanetteleardi.com.
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