BY LARRY MOSS
Old age, despite its numerous negatives, does have its benefits. You just have to get a handle on what they are and how to use them to your advantage. Think of them as “perks” with gray hair—a collection of benefits reserved for people living through their third act. While there are many to choose from, I am going to focus on what I consider to be the most valuable—the inalienable right to say “no.” That’s right, the statute of limitations on having to say “yes” has expired.
Simply, we have earned the right to decline, reject, turn down, and flat-out refuse to do things if we just don’t feel like doing them.
Here’s what I’m talking about. Take being in a large crowd for example. Can’t stand it. Even going to a concert featuring a performer I really like, the notion of sitting in an overstuffed, noisy arena for three hours is high on my list of “no thank you’s.” Nope, not doing it. I’m way too old for a mosh pit. Besides, I’d much rather sit comfortably at home, have some nosh, and listen to their CD.
Sports venues are just as bad—maybe even worse. I like sports, but I just don’t want to go to a game where I must sit among a bunch of fanatical people who are yelling in my ear, shaking those horribly annoying cowbells, and standing up in front of me. No dice. I much prefer watching a good game on TV where I can control the volume, see replays, and pause the game when I have to go to the bathroom. Constantly.
Multigenerational family vacations are another problematic area. While I love all my people in all their various generations that does not mean that I love the notion of taking a long, uncomfortable flight to a destination that I would never pick in a million years. There are occasions, too, when the thought of spending two weeks in a condo, rental house, or hotel with all of them seems less than desirable. Five-o’clock dinners instead of cocktail hour, activities all planned around nap times, and babysitting the grandkids so the parents can go out for a nice romantic evening leaves a lot to be desired. But beware. We’re dealing with family here. Saying no to this kind of invitation requires some finesse. Naturally, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, there is usually a graceful way to bow out.
I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea. For me, there is something very cathartic about saying no. I feel liberated—my own man.
In a way, the right to say no is akin to the adage “rank has its privileges.” After a lifetime of saying “yes,” doesn’t our longevity, our experiences, our likes and dislikes, and our aches and pains entitle us to this privilege? I sure think so. But, of course, you can always say no.
Larry Moss is a retired advertising creative director and jazz piano player. He recently published a memoir about how playing the piano played such an important role in his life.
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